Helping Your Child Overcome Separation Anxiety

Written By Karly Pollack

Tips for a Smooth Transition to School

For many children, separation anxiety is a natural part of starting school. Each child's response to separation is unique, shaped by their personality and temperament. While some children adjust easily to new situations, others may find the transition more challenging. Preparing your child for this big step can help ease their anxiety and make the process smoother for everyone.

Understanding Separation Anxiety:

Separation anxiety is a normal stage in child development, especially for young children starting preschool or elementary school. It's essential to recognize that your child's difficulty with separation isn't a reflection of your bond with them but rather a typical developmental phase. With the right support from family and school, most children can work through this stage within a few days to a couple of weeks.

  1. Visit School Before It Begins: Help your child become familiar with their new surroundings by visiting the school before the first day. Walking around the school, seeing their classroom, and meeting their teacher can reduce the fear of the unknown and help them feel more comfortable.

  2. Role-Play About What Might Happen: Engage in role-playing scenarios about going to school. Prepare for this by thinking about potential questions your child might have, such as "What will I do if I miss you?" or "What if I don't know anyone?" Role-playing can help your child feel more prepared and confident about handling situations that might arise.

  3. Read Books About Going to School: Reading books that address the topic of starting school can be very reassuring for children. Consider titles like Arthur Goes to School, Kindergarten Kids, The Kissing Hand, and Owl Babies. These stories can help your child relate to the characters and understand that their feelings are normal.

  4. Establish a Loving and Firm Goodbye Routine: When it’s time to say goodbye, be lovingly firm. Give your child a warm hug and express your love, but keep the farewell brief. You might say, “Mom loves you and will miss you today, but when I pick you up after school, I’ll be so happy to see you.” This reassures your child that you will return while setting a clear expectation that they will stay at school.

  5. Allow Comfort Items: If the school’s policy allows, let your child bring a comfort object from home, like a favorite toy, picture, or “lovey.” Having something familiar can provide a sense of security and make the transition easier.

  6. Avoid Prolonged Goodbyes: Once you’ve said goodbye, avoid returning for additional farewells. This can create confusion and make it harder for your child to settle into the school routine. It’s important to be consistent to help your child adjust.

  7. Understand the Normalcy of Anxiety: It’s important to remember that separation anxiety is normal and often temporary. According to resources like the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry’s Children Who Won’t Go to School and PubMed’s Stress in Childhood, most school separation anxiety passes quickly. However, it’s important to address it with empathy and the right strategies to support your child.

  8. Don’t Waiver: School is a must, and consistency is key. Never let your child stay home just because they feel anxious. Keep a positive attitude and talk up the benefits of school. Make departures quick and matter-of-fact, avoiding unnecessary drama. It’s also essential to validate your child’s feelings, acknowledging their anxiety while reassuring them that they can handle the situation.

  9. Prepare Your Child for Success: Help your child build confidence by ensuring they are well-prepared for school. This includes getting enough sleep, eating a healthy breakfast, and being ready for daily activities. Arranging playdates with classmates and reinforcing lessons at home in fun ways can also boost their confidence.

  10. Communicate with the Teacher: Your child’s teacher is your best ally in managing separation anxiety. Communicate your concerns and ask for their support. They can help ensure your child’s transition is as smooth as possible and rule out any potential issues like bullying.

  11. Allow Time for Play: Children need time to unwind and recharge. Avoid over-scheduling them with extracurricular activities. Allow for leisure time every day, whether it’s playing games with friends or engaging in a hobby they enjoy. This balance helps them cope better with school-related stress.

  12. Get Savvy with Routines: Over time, you’ll discover which routines work best for your child. For example, driving with your family pet to the bus stop or establishing a quick drop-off routine can make mornings easier. Learn what works and stick to it.

  13. Seek Help If Needed: If your child’s anxiety persists, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Childhood anxiety and depression are serious issues that may require intervention from a pediatrician, school psychologist, or other mental health professionals. There are many resources available, such as WebMD’s Is Your Child Depressed? or NYU Medical Center’s Understanding School Refusal, which can offer further guidance.

Separation anxiety is a common part of childhood, but with understanding, preparation, and the right strategies, your child can overcome it. By supporting your child through this transition, you’re not only helping them adjust to school but also equipping them with valuable coping skills that will serve them throughout their life.

References:

Karly Pollack
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